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Am I ‘Too Tough’ When I Discipline My Kids?

lable kidsI’ve noticed that the more sternly I speak to my kids — for example, after they’ve run into the street without looking  the more distraught they get. How can I make sure they understand the seriousness of certain situations without making them feel worse?
– Zoe

As the saying goes, “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” When your child’s safety is at risk — whether he’s run into the street, reached for an open flame, or gotten dangerously close to a pool — yelling, screaming, or crying out is a perfectly normal (and necessary!) response. After all, at that moment, you would do anything possible to get your child’s attention and get him out of harm’s way.

After an episode like this, it’s natural for kids to cry — and for you to want to apologize. But the truth is, your kids are likely crying in response to the fear and urgency in your voice, not because you’ve been “too stern.” At times like these, it’s OK to comfort them without apologizing. Give your child a hug and say something like, “I know you’re upset. But what you did was dangerous and I was scared that you were going to get hurt. You must never do that again.” Punishing kids after an event like this is usually not necessary, since they’ve probably learned their lesson.

On the other hand, there are times when being too stern — like yelling regularly for minor offenses — can backfire. Kids can become immune to parents’ overblown reactions and fail to take them seriously. If you feel yourself getting into this habit, take a deep breath before responding to your child’s behavior and ask yourself, “Am I about to overreact?” If so, walk away for a few minutes and come back when you’ve calmed down.

In general, when it comes to disciplining kids, it’s best to speak with a low, firm voice and to keep your focus on the behavior, not the child. It’s also helpful to use natural consequences whenever possible. That means if your child has thrown a toy, ask her to pick it up. If she’s taken something from her sibling, ask her to return it. If she chooses not to comply, an age-appropriate timeout or other consequence should follow, despite tearful pleas. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and giving in to a child’s tears may inadvertently reinforce negative behavior.

Reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD
Date reviewed: July 2010

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Basic Steps of Instructing Young Children

  1. Come near to your childboy angry
  2. Sit on eye-level
  3. Get his/her attention before saying something (e.g. call name)
  4. Use positive words (do instead of don’t)
  5. Make your facial expression match your verbal expression
  6. Use body movement to clarify the message/instruction (e.g. pointing).

When the Child does not respond:

  • Call his/her name again (a bit firmer without screaming)
  • Repeat the instruction (a bit firmer without screaming)

When the Child does not do as you say:

  • State the consequence (e.g. if you don’t put the toys in the cupboard, I will put them in my room and you won’t be able to get them out when you want).
  • Give another chance by repeating the instruction.

When the Child does not do as you say:

  • Perform consequence

Note: Young children naturally explore boundaries. So it’s normal for children to at times challenge them. Setting reasonable consequences and carrying them out however teaches them that you’re serious about your rules/boundaries and will eventually lead them to abide by them.

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How to make Children Love to Learn

HWAs parents would hope for the best for our children. There are various tips that are very effective so that children love to learn which makes a pleasant atmosphere. According to the results of research on how the brain controls the memory in the brain would be very easy to receive and record information that goes if it is in a pleasant atmosphere. children who may feel that learning is something that is fun to have a sense of want to know the great, and greatly affect the success of learning in the future.

Learn how to identify the type of child is the type of auditory, visual or kinesthetic. Break at intervals of 15 minutes rest is far more effective than learning continuously without any break. Results showed that children are able to fully concentrate a maximum of 20 minutes. more than that then the child will begin to decrease the power of concentration. Basically the child has an instinct to learn everything that is around. Children will be the spirit and enthusiasm in learning if the content of the material being studied children according to child development.

Study with periods of rest are very effective in comparison with continuously without any lag time of rest.

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