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Smart ways to discipline your child at every age

The boring old ways do not work on our kids anymore. Training and disciplining your kid is more challenging than ever, and special tactics are needed at every age. Read on for unique ways to putting your defiant little one in his place.

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It was impossible to think about your precious newborn ever turning into a sassy, defiant toddler, but we all know it happens-even to the sweetest, most congenial children. Hey-we all have our off days, right?

When your toddler begins this type of behavior, you may as well resign yourself that you are in for these episodes every now and again until they reach the age of… being out on their own. And then they still won’t listen to you all the time (take it from a mom who knows). Don’t despair, though. There are effective and age-appropriate ways to handle their misbehavior in such a way that they will think twice before repeating the offence. Okay, so maybe it will take a third, fourth or fifth ‘think’ before they catch on. The point is that they do eventually catch on… as long as you handle their discipline/punishment appropriately.

Toddlers

First of all, a baby under the age of 10-12 months should never be disciplined beyond the repeated ‘no’ and slap on the hands to teach them the necessity of not touching breakables, things that can burn or harm them in other ways and not putting things in their mouth that could possibly choke them or be poisonous.

Once they reach that toddler stage, however, you will need to be prepared to discipline your child. You need to remember, though, that a toddler’s defiance is usually the result of another problem. They may be scared, ill or simply not understand what is expected of them. They may also feel overwhelmed at their surroundings. And then, yes, there are those who are simply testing their boundaries because that’ what they feel needs to be done.

For whatever reason, the first step toward discipline needs to be deflection. Try to deflect them away from the situation by drawing their attention to something positive. This will work much of the time, but when it doesn’t try one of the following:

  • Remove the toddler from the situation
  • Gently, but firmly holding them on your lap; speaking to them calmly, reassuringly but firmly stating what is expected of them
  • Short periods of ‘time out’-one minute for every year old they are
  • Taking away the item (toy, book, etc.) that is causing the problem

Preschoolers

Once your children reach their preschool years, they are more aware of right vs. wrong and can be held accountable for their actions. Again, the discipline should be age-appropriate and fit the ‘crime’.

It is also important to remember that children this age are eager to copy your actions and will often times do things like mummy and daddy (putting on makeup, going through the tool box, cooking, mopping the floor, etc.) to be helpful (or so they think). At times like this, it is better not to discipline or punish. They honestly didn’t see any wrong-doing in their actions.

The behaviors of a preschooler that need disciplinary action include:

  • Hitting
  • Not sharing
  • Bullying
  • Lying, cheating
  • Sassing and arguing
  • Disobedience

Proper discipline for a preschooler’s misdeeds includes:

  • Talking with your child about their misdeeds; why it was wrong, what they need to do to make retribution and not repeating the offense
  • Time out
  • Removing your child from the situation
  • Withholding a favorite toy, television time or another privilege for their misbehavior

Elementary aged children

  • Elementary aged children are at an age when they are beginning to think for themselves more and more. And with this thinking for themselves comes a fight for independence.

It’s important to allow them a certain amount of independence, but at the same time, you need to teach independence within boundaries and with respect for those boundaries and authority. This is done by allowing them to spread their wings a bit via overnights with friends, earning an allowance and allowing them to spend part of it as they choose, making choices in regards to what they wear, what activities they participate in (within reason) and to pursue a hobby of their choosing.

When your child does act out, however, the appropriate disciplinary measures include:

  • Loss of privileges
  • An act of kindness for every act of unkindness or disrespect
  • Additional chores
  • Verbally expressing their acknowledgement of their wrong doing and asking forgiveness

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Older Children

As your children grow and mature, their need and desire for independence, expressing their own thoughts, feelings and discovering who they are is both natural and important. But this time of discovery, like every other phase of their life, needs to be handled with lots of firm but gentle love and care.

It is important that you allow your children to grow their own passions and interests, that they are allowed to grow and mature at their own pace-as long as it is within the boundaries and expectations of your household.

If they do-no, when they do need discipline, the most acceptable forms of discipline include:

  • Loss of privileges
  • Loss of allowance
  • Extra household chores
  • An act of kindness for every act of unkindness
  • Loss of items that are near and dear to them; IPOD, computer, etc.

Remember what discipline is

Discipline is meant to teach appropriate behaviour and to instill the fact that for every action there is a consequence. Discipline is not meant to humiliate, cause pain nor is it to be used as ‘payback’. In other words, discipline in firm and gentle love and with the intention of teaching your child how life is to be lived rather than using it as a control mechanism.

 

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Top Tips for Your Child’s Academic Success

child-studyingAcademic success is important in a child’s life as it can help to shape the future. There are many things you can do to help your child or children succeed and they all start at home. Keep track of your child’s school activities, set up a consistent routine and ensuring that they have enough rest are simple tips that will help them to excel in school. In addition, parents who are involved in their children’s education help to foster the learning experience.

  •  Start a homework routine. Set a certain schedule for your child to do homework every day. If there is no homework assigned for the day, encourage your child to study and review the week’s assignments. Constantly reviewing information helps to instill the knowledge in your child’s brain, thereby helping them to gain better insight into the lessons.
  • Sleep is important because it allows your brain to recharge itself. If your child does not get enough sleep, it will affect their performance in school and out of school. Sleep is necessary for the body to function properly so make sure your child gets at least eight hours of sleep each night.
  • Take an interest in your child’s academics. It may have been a long time since you were in school, but you should still be able to check your child’s homework and assist them when necessary. Reading with children is a good way to spark interest in learning; it is also a good way to spend quality time with your child in a low-key manner.
  • Keep your child organized when it comes to school activities. Have your child carry a planner for teachers to record assignments in. Also, keep a wall calendar in your house with your child’s schedule and assignments. This will help to avoid any missing assignments and will also let you know how frequently your child studies.

Helping your child to succeed in school is one of your biggest jobs as a parent. Without establishing a routine in the household for both homework and bedtime, it can be very easy for a child to lose interest in school work. Not getting enough sleep and not being organized can affect your child’s function in school as well. By utilizing the top tips you are helping to establish your child’s academic success.

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Being Engaged in our Children’s Education: – “What is it you do in school today?”

learning_stylesI keep remind myself the need for parents to be involved in their children’s education.

As a mum I want to know what’s going on with my son. And I had a number of interesting challenges to the very idea and I want to share it with you.

A friend repeated to me Einstein’s famous saying that “education is what’s left after you forget all the facts they taught you in school.” “Leave the teaching to the school and concentrate on educating your child” he said. To him, being involved in his children’s education meant providing them with parallel real life experiences and he couldn’t care a fig about tonight’s homework assignments; they are the responsibility of the child, and not the parent.

A mother of two teens commented that the best gift she could give her daughters was that of trust and self confidence. She wasn’t getting involved in the process of schooling. “Did you ever see the look of embarrassment, even horror, if your child unexpectedly sees you in the school hallway?”  “My child doesn’t want me to look over her shoulder” commented one of my daughter’s friends about her nine year old. These parents were taken aback by what they thought I was suggesting.

It is my contention that parents need to know what their children are doing at school and to become actively involved in helping facilitate their success. I am not referring to homework and test preparation. I am not referring to being cooperative with the school and teachers, which I am not denying it is very useful to engage with teachers too, to keep up and learn more about our child in school. I am more referring to make the child’s school experiences a part of the parent’s life. I believe a parent’s role is somewhere between coach and cheerleader; neither as critically involved as the former or as benignly enthusiastic as the latter. Allow me to elaborate.

Taking an active interest; or: “What is it you do in school today?”

Indeed, we forget most of the facts we cram for tests during our school years. What we are expected to retain are the skills with which will enable us to learn and discover for ourselves. Even more importantly, good teachers will have inculcated within us a love for learning to last a lifetime.

Learning skills do not develop in a vacuum; they develop through learning and internalizing the process. A love for learning develops from the satisfaction of understanding and the curiosity to know more. This too is a byproduct of learning and absorbing information, primarily in school. When a parent shows interest in the subject matter, his child is learning that says to the child: what you learned at school matters. Questioning a child about what he learned in school is an essential component in his developing a healthy respect for what he does all day; and he learns.

Questioning a child about school can be a tricky experience though. Ask a typical adolescent “what did you learn in school today” and the response, if you get a verbal one rather than some sort of primal sound, may be “nothing” or “stuff”.  The questions must be direct and specific for the child to be responsive. “What did you enjoy most about your Maths class today?” If he responds with a multi-word answer, the parent will have gotten a perspective of the child’s engagement in the Maths class. He may well say, “I didn’t enjoy it at all” — that speaks volumes too. Regardless, the parent has demonstrated interest and that the subject is important.

On the other hand badgering a child for information and interrogating him about precisely what he learned may be counterproductive from a parenting perspective. What the child might deduce from continuous pressured questions is that the less he says or pretends to remember the better off he will be. He perceives the questions as an invasion of his privacy; of course he will resist. A lot more information would be forthcoming if the question were put something like this “did you learn any interesting at the School Talk today?” or “How did the teacher like your social studies project?”

In a nutshell: the questions must be detailed and about the work rather that about the child. Specific but open ended questions will generally elicit a coherent response which can then

I did rather not head in the direction of the parent who spends the night studying with a child for a test and then asks “how well did we do on the exam?” Naturally, when taken to the extreme, that kind of “interest” will be more crippling than helpful.

Till my next post, hope this helps.

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Basic Steps of Instructing Young Children

  1. Come near to your childboy angry
  2. Sit on eye-level
  3. Get his/her attention before saying something (e.g. call name)
  4. Use positive words (do instead of don’t)
  5. Make your facial expression match your verbal expression
  6. Use body movement to clarify the message/instruction (e.g. pointing).

When the Child does not respond:

  • Call his/her name again (a bit firmer without screaming)
  • Repeat the instruction (a bit firmer without screaming)

When the Child does not do as you say:

  • State the consequence (e.g. if you don’t put the toys in the cupboard, I will put them in my room and you won’t be able to get them out when you want).
  • Give another chance by repeating the instruction.

When the Child does not do as you say:

  • Perform consequence

Note: Young children naturally explore boundaries. So it’s normal for children to at times challenge them. Setting reasonable consequences and carrying them out however teaches them that you’re serious about your rules/boundaries and will eventually lead them to abide by them.

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How to make Children Love to Learn

HWAs parents would hope for the best for our children. There are various tips that are very effective so that children love to learn which makes a pleasant atmosphere. According to the results of research on how the brain controls the memory in the brain would be very easy to receive and record information that goes if it is in a pleasant atmosphere. children who may feel that learning is something that is fun to have a sense of want to know the great, and greatly affect the success of learning in the future.

Learn how to identify the type of child is the type of auditory, visual or kinesthetic. Break at intervals of 15 minutes rest is far more effective than learning continuously without any break. Results showed that children are able to fully concentrate a maximum of 20 minutes. more than that then the child will begin to decrease the power of concentration. Basically the child has an instinct to learn everything that is around. Children will be the spirit and enthusiasm in learning if the content of the material being studied children according to child development.

Study with periods of rest are very effective in comparison with continuously without any lag time of rest.

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